**The ‘B’ version of “John Carter”**
When a “jarhead” is injured in Afghanistan (Antonio Sabato Jr), he is used in a teleportation experiment and transferred to a planet in the Alpha Centauri stellar system. Due to the lower gravity, he has the ability to leap great distances and earns the respect of his captors, the Tharks. After meeting a human-like princess (Traci Lords), she leads them to an air-purifying station that keeps the planet hospitable.
"Princess of Mars" (2009) is based on Edgar Rice Burroughs’ pulp work from 1912 and follows the book pretty well, just updating the opening and cutting out the fat; not to mention adding the (unnecessary) character of Sarka, along with alterations to the various creatures and the addition of some well-done droll humor. Burrough’s Barsoom series (and his books in general) were the comic books of that day and so this flick is very comic booky and can be enjoyed on that level.
Costing a fraction of the forthcoming “John Carter,” you can’t really compare the two. It omits any reference to the mysterious and fascinating Therns, who didn’t debut until Burroughs’ second book, “The Gods of Mars” from 1913, which the Disney blockbuster morphed from indigenous Barsoomians to a race of technologically advanced aliens of unknown origin.
Nevertheless, there’s still some meat on the bones with the interesting atmosphere-cleaning plant, as well as the understandable contention between the Tharks and their human-like rivals on Barsoom, the latter of which maintain the station.
Traci Lords was 41 during shooting, but in perfect physical shape, so I found her acceptable as Dejah Thoris, despite her age, blonde hair and lack of reddish skin tone. Keep in mind that while the Brothers Grimm described Snow White as having hair as black as ebony, there have been renditions of the story where she has “golden” hair, including at least two films, one of them being The Asylum’s own “Grimm’s Snow White.”
It runs 1 hour, 33 minutes, and was shot in the Greater Los Angeles area at Vasquez Rocks, Bronson Caves, Long Beach, Santa Clarita, Shea's Castle and nearby Castle Ranch in Lancaster.
GRADE: B-
Asylum tries, poorly
I love the books by REB. I do. The Disney version (John Carter) isn't a good visual representation of that story. This is worse. So much worse. It is cheap, tacky (not just the way it looks, but how it focuses on gross stuff for a cheap laugh, uses a Leia Slave costume for our female protagonist, and so on) and just a bit soulless.
It is HARD to transform these stories into cinema. REB had a very lovely imagination, and he went wild in his books. This, however, was not it.
Someone else pointed out that if this had been in the 50s, in black and white, and at a drive-in, it might have worked, and that could possibly be true, but there is no excuse for a movie from 2009 to look and play this poorly.
I would not recommend you watch this.
